I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He felt like a one man threesome
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
