If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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