you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
