Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
