i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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