I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
