oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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