Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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