My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
