Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
