My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
