i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
