part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
