So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did i walk over a car last night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
