im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Even my vagina gasped.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
