id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She bit a glass in half.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
