Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
