Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
