Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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