Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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