had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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