She said her name was "party"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
