I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
