1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
