I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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