I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
