woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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