and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
