New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
where are my eyebrows?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
