I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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