Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
