Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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