It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
