Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
