I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
