Me too!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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