His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was born a porn star she said
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
