If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
