Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
