So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
