I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
