I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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