Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
