And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
