all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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