Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
