She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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