I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
