Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
