So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
