I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
