I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
