Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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