My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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