cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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