Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
