I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
